Letter from a Former Brother Worker

45 years ago I offered for the work. I felt God's calling to serve people in this fellowship by sacrificing my career, education, a life partner, sex, money, everything an 18 year old boy would dream of. I spent a year preparing for the work following around the workers in my field. I walked away from a full ride scholarship and dreams of following a career in medicine. Then everything changed for me. I was at preps and a brother worker - one who befriended me when I was 12-13 years old, called me his 'little brother', whom I trusted and felt like he really thought I was special and worthwhile, THAT brother worker started wrestling with me when we were alone in the brother workers' dorm and he got violent. I saw rage in his face as he pinned me to the bed, pressing down on me. I was shocked to see a trusted worker, a friend, mentor, so enraged and trying to hurt me - and I had a gut reaction - he was trying to overpower me and rape me. The clinicians call it sexual violence for a reason. I got away because I was a better wrestler than he was but I was one very, very confused farm boy. I couldn't process what almost happened - couldn't talk to anyone about it. Who would believe me? How could this happen? I knew if I told my Dad, that enormous Marine would kill that worker. I left the work. And it took years of therapy for me to get to this betrayal as the root cause of my mistrust of others. I was betrayed at such a core level - spiritually, emotionally, and put into a victim stance that alienated me for decades - I just kept it inside. The guy who befriended me - groomed me - was lying. I wasn't special, I wasn't seen as worthy of love, I was a thing a rapist wanted to dominate.

If this sounds familiar, trust me - you are powerful enough to call out your monster. I did. It takes guts and courage. He has no power over you. Your truth will make him cower. Call him out and watch him freak out! I believe you. I hear you. I support you. Others will too.